


Where do I go?

by onlyosolo



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 21:53:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7987534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyosolo/pseuds/onlyosolo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2016 Sucks and nobody feels that more than Kelley</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kelley just sighed as she cleared out her locker. It was the last home game for Sky Blue and they had missed the chance for a playoff birth yet again. Kelley's season was over. She sat on the bench and grabbed her still throbbing ankle, "I want this year to be fucking over," was all she could mutter to herself before her phone buzz with the name HOPE lighting up the screen.  
"Hey Hope. I'd ask if you're doing better than me right now but I have a feeling I already know the answer."  
Hope lightly chuckled at the understatement of the year, "yeah, I bet if we were together right now, we would look like a pair of sad puppies right now."  
A long pause of silence and breathing was interrupted by Kelley's strained voice, "I just want it to be 2015 again, hope. I wanna hoist the trophy again and be on that float going down the streets of New York. I want that feeling again," Kelley started to full on cry now. She was trying to prevent that but when it's Hope she talks to, she can't help but let her honesty show.  
"Oh Kell. I know. I want that too. But this is life Kiddo. Dips and valleys with flights of greatness. It's called being an athlete. You know this. Just remember, disappointment is not forever, Kelley. You will find happiness again. I promise."  
Kelley stifled her sobs when she realized who she was talking too, "Jesus Hope. I'm so sorry. Here I am crying to you of all people about my life. How are you doing? Is there anything I can do for you?"  
"Just knowing there's someone out there as sad as me does help," Hope joked into the phone, "But no really, I am at the point where i shift from sad to angry in the matter of seconds and then really appreciate the few times I'm actually happy."  
"this is such bullshit Hope!" kelley started to feel her anger rise, "I can't tell you how many times I had to erase Tweets I wanted to send out saying what a bunch of shit this is."  
"No. Don't you dare do that. Stay silent kelley. you guys can't do anything to hurt the CBA negotiations. I'm poison at this point and you don't need to be putting bullets in the federations gun. I know I have your support and that's what matters to me the most." Hope had sounded a little defeated, "and i already talked to Carli, Broon, and Alex and they know I'm going to be giving my opinion to help hammer out a deal."  
Kelley began to cheer up a little, "yeah Alex told me you guys have a plan to keep you in the loop. USsoccer have no idea you are still going to be involved with this crap. They are so stupid. Have you talked to Pinoe?"  
"No," Hope's voice became tense,"I haven't. She's called me once but I never returned the call. I'm just not ready yet and I don't think she would honestly see where I'm coming from anyway."  
"I can't argue with you on that one. The few conversations I've had with her she doesn't seem to understand what the outrage was. what do you think of the shit she's got herself into now?" Kelley asked with intensity.  
"I wonder why she couldn't be that passionate about me when I got kicked to the curb," Hope tried and failed at making it a joke, " I'm kidding. I mean, I like what she's doing. It's an important issue. Just seems the issue has now been made into athletes kneeling for the anthem instead of actually talking about police brutality. But really, at the end of the day, I have so much other stuff on my mind that I really don't care at this point."  
Kelley took in Hope's answer a bit before deciding to change the subject, "When will the new house be ready? You getting excited?"  
"Well," Hope dragged out, " that's kinda why I called you. Other than to see how you were feeling."  
"What's going on Hope? Is everything Ok?"


	2. Chapter 2

Hope cleared her throat. She wasn't sure how to start the conversation she had been wanting to have with the younger woman so she opted to stay focused on Kelley," No. everything is fine. I really just called to see what you were thinking about. A lot of uncertainty up in the air. Have you decided what you are planning on doing this point forward?"  
Kelley was not in the right frame of mind to pick up on any of Hope's clues, "right now, my future holds a movie with pizza and then packing and then flying to California for a couple of weeks to surf. Thats about it. Wanna come?" kelley jubialantly asked her friend.  
"Uh big no on that. But I will fish from the pier while you surf." Hope let out a hearty laugh,"But seriously Kell, what are you going to do? Are you going to France? At first I thought it was a done deal but the way you were talking in Rio...Just wanted to see where your head is at with all of this. they are going to want you to start pretty soon if you sign with them"  
Kelley became frustrated with Hope's motherly approach. She hadn't even finished packing up her locker or home and the last thing she wanted to think about was what she was going to do in the next month or two. she spat out to Hope, "I don't fucking know Hope! Can i have a fucking minute to breath? God! First off, my ankle isn't ready to be playing at full strength so even if I was going over there, I couldn't go anytime soon. And second, our contract states we HAVE to play in the NWSL so until all this CBA shit is finalized, I don't even know if I can. And third....well, I can't think of a third right now but I'm sure there is one!"  
Hope couldn't help but think that even when Kelley is yelling at her, Hope can't help but laugh. The tiny defender always had that power over her, "relax kell. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to piss you off. I'm just curious about what you are thinking. that's all."  
"Why?" Kelley asked with a quiet tone.  
"Why What?" Hope answered her question with a question to Kelley's irritation.   
With a frustrated sigh Kelley inquired once more, "Why Hope? Why are you so curious about my life right now? AND don't answer my question with a question. Tell me, what's going on with you?"  
"Nothing is going on, " Hope answered ambiguously,"I know you have a couple of paths you could go down and thought you might like to talk about it to help make a decision."  
Kelley was beyond frustrated at Hope's lack of answers and dodging an obvious conversation she knew Hope was trying to have. As much as she cared for Hope, she had times where she was so fed up with her it didn't bother Kelley at all if they didn't talk for a long period of time. She thought it best to just tell Hope anything to shut her up," i'm probably going to go and play in Australia, Hope. Sam said we can room together, surf in the morning, play soccer in the afternoon, and be stupid in the evening and it sounds awesome and I think that's what I'm going to do. I just need to get away from everything for awhile. And then once the CBA is cleared up and I know where we stand, if they allow us to play overseas, then yeah, I'm probably going to go. I haven't had that experience like everyone else has and frankly, I'm a little jealous about it. I want to learn from different players and I want to walk down cobblestone streets of Lyon and i don't know, maybe fall in love with a cute french girl. You see? It's all set in stone at the same time being up in the air. That's why I'm taking these two weeks to figure things out cause you never know, I may just stay home in Georgia the entire time too. I hope that's a good enough answer for you."  
Kelley's bitter tone and revelation of her love life suckered punch Hope in the gut. She didn't know what to say so she did her best to try and be nonchalant, "ok, Kell. Sounds like you got it all figured out. Have fun in Australia and I hope you do get a chance to play in France. They would be lucky to have you. I'm gonna go. Still have more packing to do. bye Kell."  
"Hope wait!" was all Kelley could apologetically get out before she heard the other end of the phone die. "shit!" was all she could muster feeling bad about the way she spoke to her friend.


	3. Chapter 3

Kelley let the California sun soak into her skin as she bobbed up and down on her surfboard. It truly was the place she felt the most at peace. Trying to digest all the things that happened in the past year was still invading her mind. Failed relationship, not winning a medal in Rio, contract negotiations, her club team not making the playoffs, and the thought of never seeing Hope behind her in goal was starting to make Kelley feel a thousand punches to the gut. " How could everything go so wrong after winning the World Cup" occupied her mind over and over again. It didn't take long for the lure of Australia's beautiful beaches and carefree soccer to convince Kelley she needed to get out of here and continue on with her life.There was really nothing to keep her here anyway. It also didn't take long for her to find a team where she knew plenty of players and was soon settled into a home Sam, Lydia and a couple of others were renting for the season. 

Kelley shortly found herself something she didn't think possible a month ago, happiness. She was laughing more than usual. She was surfing the legendary waves off of Australia's coastline. She was even playing some of the best soccer she ever has. They were even playing her as a forward which meant she was scoring goals. And lots of them. it was short moments throughout the day where Kelley could hear Hope's voice telling her she would find happiness again. Hope. She hadn't even called her to tell her she had gone. It was the one thing she left unfinished before coming to the down under. Every time she went to call Hope, Kelley would just toss her phone to the side deciding she wouldn't know what to say to her anyway. She made it a strict rule that when she left, she was going to leave it all behind. No checking up on her teammates through twitter or Instagram. She rarely posted herself. she wanted to be extremely selfish in her time there and was pretty successful at it. Everyone was understanding and didn't hound her or reach out to her unless it was of vital importance. Besides, they would all see each other soon at the next round of friendlies in November. 

 

As the taxi stopped in front of the hotel in Palo Alto, Kelley bounced out of the vehicle eagerly anticipating seeing her team again. A new sense of self oozed from Kelley making her buoyant in her steps. the lobby was filled with her teammates hugging each other and discussing what each of them had been up too, Kelley joined in on the conversations telling them of the sick waves and the precarious encounter she had with a shark one day. But of course in Kelley's telling of the story, the shark was 30 ft with blood on its teeth instead of it actually being only 3 ft tall and just casually passing under her board during a morning surf. It was just then Ali squealed with surprise, "HAO!!!!!!"

Heather walked into the lobby beaming from ear to ear to see her former mates. After all the hugs and "i miss yous", someone asked the obvious, "why are you here?"  
"I'm doing press for the new team. It's being announced this weekend so they thought it would be a good idea to bounce some press off of your guys' game. And to watch you guys struggle without me. " Hao sarcastically said garnering laughs from the group. Kelley looked on with confusion.

"You didn't hear?" Heather asked of Kelley noticing her quizzical look.

"No. I've been out of the loop apparrantly. What's going on?"

"North Carolina is getting a NWSL team next season and I'm gonna be the captain." Heather explained happily.

"No way?! That's so cool. Good for you. You'll be home and playing. I'm so happy for you." Kelley offered with genuine sincerity.

Carli piped up with a sarcastic comment, "And at least you will have Hope there to scare the shit out of everyone if they don't listen to you." Hearing Hope's name made Kelley jump to attention glancing at her teammates demanding an explanation. 

"Wow you have been out of the loop," Heather laughed at kelley, "Hope is the Goalkeeper coach for now and possibly get back in goal after she has the baby."

The Baby. What baby? there's a baby? Kelley's head began to spin and her heart was beating so hard she placed a hand over it to keep it from jumping out of her chest. She glared at Alex chastising her for not telling her about something so big. alex looked at her with furrowed brow as if to guess what Kelley was trying to say. the team started to split up making their way to their rooms when Kelley pulled Alex aside.

"Why didn't you tell me Hope was pregnant?" She asked Alex in a huffy tone.

"I thought you knew. It was all over twitter." Alex began to defend herself. 

"You know I was taking a break from social media. Shit. Hope's gonna think i don't care," Kelley started panicking. 

"i'm sure she will understand Kell. We all have our own lives. Just call her tonight. her number's still the same."

Later, Kelley sat on her bed in her room thinking about Hope and why didn't Hope at least call her and tell her about her pregnancy. Hope was one of Kelley's best friends or so she thought. She knows their last conversation wasn't a great one and she had been radio silent, but Kelley would always want to hear about something life changing like this. She couldn't decipher if these feelings she was having was anger towards Hope or sorrow at the fact that Hope didn't think Kelley was important enough to inform her of this news. Whatever it was, it was enough for Kelley to grab her phone and hit call on Hope's contact number.

"Hello?"


	4. Chapter 4

Kelley had anxiously called Hope but when Hope answered, Kelley suddenly didn't know what to say to her, "Uh, hey." was all she could muster at the moment.   
"Hey Kell, how have you been?" Hope had excitedly asked her friend. Oblivious to the fact that Kelley was having inner turmoil at the moment.   
"Um, I'm fine. Anything you want to tell me?" Kelley asked with a mix of trepidation and sarcasm, "Like, you know, that you're having a baby."  
Hope let out a hearty laugh, "Oh my god Kell, this is old news. Where the hell have you been?"  
"australia as a matter of fact." Kelley retorted annoyed.   
"well you see Kelley, they have this thing called the internet now," Hope began to mock Kelley before she was cut off.  
"Fuck you Solo," Kelley said in a semi serious tone, "why the hell didn't you call me about this? I took some time off of social media. sue me. I shouldn't have to find out from the fucking internet that my good friend is pregnant."  
Hope realized the blunder she incurred and became remorseful, "You're right. I"m sorry. I just...I just didn't want to bother you. I knew you were trying to get back to normal and doing good things in Australia and I didn't want to interfere with that. I wanted to call. You were one of the first persons I wanted to call but after our last conversation, I just didn't feel like I should. It was dumb. I was dumb."  
Kelley became sympathetic to Hope's statement and with conviction chastised Hope, "First off Hope Amelia Solo, YOU are not and will never be a bother to me, get it? If I ever hear you say something like that to me again, I swear to god. Second, I'm sorry our last conversation wasn't the best. I hated every minute I left without a proper goodbye to you. Third," Kelley's voice softened, "Congratulations Hope. A Baby! I'm shocked, surprised, and excited all at once."  
HOpe's laughter lifted the air between them, "Thank you. For everything you just said. And it's really not that shocking, Kell, I have been saying I was going to try and start a family soon."  
"You know what I mean," Kelley tried to justify, "I just, I don't know. I just didn't think it was going to be so soon."  
"Well, it wasn't going to be announced until later but someone saw me coming out of my gyno's office building and started to spread the rumor so I kinda was forced to announce early."  
the two continued to talk for the next two hours. Kelley asked all the usual questions and Hope opened up about her fears of becoming a mother. They talked about Kelley's time in Australia and gossiped about anything and everything. when it started nearing the time to say goodbye, a seriousness fell over the conversation.   
"Hope. you know if you need anything, yyou can call me." Kelley informed her with a kindness.  
"I know. I have a feeling I'm gonna take you up on that offer someday. And i don't mean babysitting." Hope tried to be lighthearted, "And where will you be if I need you?"  
Kelley was confused at the question, "what do you mean?"  
"will you be in Jersey, France, or somewhere else?"  
"France again?" Kelley became exasperated, "Why are you bringing this up again"  
Hope let out a long sigh of now or never, "I want you to come to Carolina. I want you to be on me and HAO's team. the coach is letting the two of us have alot of say in who we bring in and the first person I want on my team is you Kelley. But I also want you to be happy first. I know you love Sky Blue and surfing on the Jersey Shore. And I also want you to maybe go overseas and have that experience at least once in your life. I want so much for you that I hate to put this pressure on you but as a player, coach, and friend, I can't see playing on a team without you on it."  
Hope's honesty made kelley stop in her tracks. The information thrown at her in the past 30 seconds was too much for her to digest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been awhile but I'm hoping to finish this soon. I have so many ideas of other fics that I get side tracked fairly easy. anywho, enjoy!


	5. Chapter 5

"I already signed with PSG."   
It was a statement. A dry fact with a hint of remorse in it's tone.   
"Oh." Hope's reply was just as dry, "I hadn't heard."  
"No one has. Not yet. It just happened. I"m staying home through christmas after these friendlies and then heading to France after the new year." Kelley felt her tongue grows three sizes barely making the words escape her mouth. For her, letting down Hope was something that made her sick to her stomach.  
"OK. Well," Hope paused making sure her next words were weighted, "That's good Kell. Really. This will be so good for you. I enjoyed my time playing over seas and i am sure you will too."  
"I need to do this Hope. I want you to understand. Nothing would make me happier than to play in front of you again, it's just I need this right now. But to be honest, I really wish I hadn't signed because I'm really wanting to see you get big and fat." Kelley chuckled trying to lighten the mood.   
"big. Not fat. there's a difference shit head." Hope took the cues and became jovial towards her favorite defender, "But truthfully, I couldn't be happier for you."  
"And I couldn't be happier for you, Hope. I know how much you want kids, you're still involved with soccer. Looks like we are both getting some happiness in our future."  
"It does seem that way," Hope replied with soften nuance.  
"And Jerramy," Kelley began to inquire, "How is he with all this change? Is he excited?"  
Hope answered with a resounding yes, "He's gone to all of the doctor appointments with me. Doing the heavy lifting when I moved. Said he was more than Ok watching the kid when i get back to playing."  
For some reason, Hope's answer baffled Kelley. Something didn't sit right with her but she shook her meandering thoughts and proceeded to speak with her friend.  
After a while, Kelley realized that sleep was taking over her body, "Promise me we will stay in touch? No matter what. I want pics as often as possible and and I want to hear everything that's going on with the team and the baby. Deal?"  
"That's a deal Kell. Get some sleep and good luck these next two games, OK?"  
"sure will HOpe, Goodnight."


	6. Chapter 6

Kelley woke up and inhaled the french air every morning like a coffee commercial always earning a hearty chuckle at herself. She was always her best audience. She loved playing in Paris. The city was so alive and new and old and everything she was not used to. Her roomates were gracious and kind and showed her around in her early days there. The team was successful and a shoe in for Champions league and Kelley was playing some of the best football of her life. She realized what Press was saying when she said she found herself in Sweden. Football wasn't a job anymore. It was a fun job that she did very well.   
Kelley would still contemplate what it would be like if she stayed back in the US. Especially watching the NWSL draft on Twitter and seeing who Sky Blue and North Carolina took with each round. She missed it but she kept her promise to Hope. Kinda. Hope did come to Atlanta for a promtional gig and stayed with Kelley for a couple of days, laughing and drinking green smoothies. Listening to Hope complain about not being able to drink a proper tea or coffee as Kelley exaggerated her blowing of her hot Cortado right in front of Hope. It was a good three days and especially because they could get a real goodbye this time with kind words and a deep meaningful hug at the end. after that, mostly due to the time difference and busy schedules, it was usually just a text here and there and usually kelley asking Hope for a pic of her baby bump.  
'i still see some ab muscles in there'  
'glad you can cause i just see a big belly'  
Nothing too meaningful but they stayed in touch. Kelley was about to call Hope from a cafe when she spotted the most amazing woman she had ever seen staring at her from across the room. And that's how the calls and texts to Hope waned when Kelley fell in love with Delphine which Kelley, so American of her, nicknamed her Dell. She was beautiful and smart and liked the things Kelley liked. Most importantly, on their first weekend get away with each other, Dell had taken Kelley to the coast to show her the best surf spots in France. As you can imagine, when Kelley looked into Delphine's coral blue parisian eyes, she fell in love each time.   
Kelley's hiatus from social media was long over but her posting increased ten fold with pics of her and her lover having picnics by the eiffel tower and her girl wearing her jersey to games. Kelley wasn't hiding this from anyone and if fact, she was flaunting it which was very uncharacteristic of her.   
It wasn't until about the fifth selfie of the two together that Kelley recieved a text from HOpe  
HOPE: I guess our deal is off then.  
KELLEY: ?  
HOPE: we were going to tell each other everything, right? why do i have to learn about a gf from Insta?  
KELLEY: Sorry. I shouldve called. shes hot though, right?  
Hope didn't answer for a bit.  
HOPE: I guess. Hope all is well. Looks like it from here.  
KELLEY: r u mad?  
HOPE: why wld i b mad?  
KEllEY: idk. if u want, i can call and tell u all abt her. she's great. you'd like her. she reminds me of you. except she surfs. lol  
HOPE: No. i got things to do. preseason and all.  
KELLEY: ok. how's the baby?  
No text was returned to Kelley.


	7. Chapter 7

Kelley was irritated with Hope about their last conversation. She couldn't understand why Hope had been so standoffish with her when Hope had done the same thing to Kelley when it came to telling her about the baby. If it hadn't been for her girlfriend and soccer, she would have let it eat away at her but she didn't have time to bother. Just give Hope some space and then things would get back to normal. But weeks turned into months and they were looking at the end of the season and there was still no word from the goalkeeper. No twitter posts or insta pics. nothing. Kelley was in the dark and that didn't sit well with her. even though she followed the happenings of the NWSL every day, there was never a mention of Carolina FC's goalkeeper coach. It wasn't until the Orlando Pride came to Paris as a part of a new idea the NWSL and UEFA had about home and away matches during the season. She could catch up with Alex, ali, and ashlyn and hopefully find out something from them regarding Hope.  
After the game, when everyone met up at a local bar, and they met Kelley's new love, did Kelley pull Ash and Alex aside, "What's going on with HOpe? We got in a fight awhile ago and i haven't heard from her. She never stays this mad at me for this long."  
Alex looked at Kelley with furrowed brow, "Nothing as far as I can tell. She seemed happy when we saw her two weeks ago."  
"Yeah," Ashlyn chimed in, "All she said to me was she couldn't wait to get out of HAO's and be on her own again."  
Kelley's head jerked to Ash, "What does that mean? Why is she at HAO's?"  
Alex realized Kelley did not know as much as everyone else and took a deep breath to begin the arduous story, "Hope and Jerramy are getting a divorce and she is staying with HAO until the baby is born. And probably a little after that."  
Kelley's eyes bolted from their sockets in shock, "huh?" was all she could breathe out.  
Ash placed a hand on Kelley's shoulder, "It's been awhile now, Kell. Like back in October. i guess before she announced she was pregnant. she didn't really tell anyone but yeah, it's been awhile. HAO let her stay with her until Hope's house was done and then it became a not wanting to be alone and pregnant kind of thing. You really didn't know?"  
Kelley was shell shocked. The numbness washed over her paralyzing every muscle in her body. The questions ravaging her mind caused it to completely shut down.  
"Kelley, " Alex tried to grab her attention, "Kell, You OK?"  
Kelley jarred back to reality, "huh? oh. yeah. I"m fine. Can I borrow your phone Alex?"  
Alex handed over her phone without question and Kelley scampered to a dark corner of the bar. She stood there staring at the phone willing it to place this call by itself but she knew it would have to be her to press that number. And she did exactly that.

It rang three times, "hey Alex. Good morning."  
"Not Alex. Try again."  
there was a loud sigh, "Kelley."

**Author's Note:**

> boring I know but ya gotta let the engine run a bit before you hit the gas.   
> as usual comments are welcome. especially ones that tell me how beautiful i am. hehe


End file.
